(Old news.) A couple of friends asked me to post both the poem and my “advice” to Janet and Gary at their wedding in Carmel that was at the mid-point of this trip. (Photos of the happy couple are in a posting around May 30.)

I was very fortunate to find a poem that was short, fitting, and by a Chinese woman poet in a little anthology called “Women Poets of China”, co-edited by Kenneth Rexroth. I read it and then added my remarks.

The author of the poem, poetess Kuan Tao-Sheng was married to Chao Meng-Fu, a leading calligrapher and painter of Chinese history. (She herself was known as a calligrapher and painter of bamboos, orchids and plum blossoms.) She wrote the poem to her husband when she found out that he was intending to take a concubine. It is said that he was so moved by it that he did not.)

Here it is:


Married Love

Kuan Tao-Sheng , 1262-1319

You and I
Have so much love,
That it
Burns like a fire,
In which we bake a lump of clay
Molded into a figure of you
And a figure of me.
Then we take both of them,
And break them into pieces,
And mix the pieces with water,
And mold a figure again of you,
And a figure of me.
I am in your clay.
You are in my clay.
In life we share a single quilt.
In death we will share one bed.
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"I felt both honored and humbled when Janet and Gary asked me to share their special day by imparting some words of advice for their life together. 

In fact, I felt twice humbled: first, by having been perceived as having something valuable to impart and second, by the task of trying to live up to that perception.


The truth is that there are probably as many guides for a happy marriage as there are diets for losing weight. Yet, most of the advice for achieving either goal is familiar and comes from common sense.


Just listen again to the “action verbs” in the “Charge to the Couple” and their declaration to each other: CONFIDE, LAUGH, ENJOY, SHARE, LOVE, CHERISH, RESPECT, PROVIDE, PROTECT, COMFORT, TRUST.


If the advice is so obvious – and all marriage vows contain some or most of those verbs – what makes it so hard for them to be followed?


Well, just like in the work Janet and I share within Human Resources, the key in having a great hire (or a great spouse, in this case), is in selecting the right person in the first place, the person who is made of the right "clay".


Therefore, you have each already done the most difficult part. You have chosen each other as being made of the right clay to be your life partner. 

And that’s my advice to you: that if you remember always what made you choose each other, keeping those verbs active will become second-nature."

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I am in Deadwood, SD, famous for its history during the wild years following the gold finds in the Black Hills (and their theft from the Indians...). It's the location of the graves of Wild Bill Hickock and Calamity Jane and the place where he was shot. Fans of "Deadwood" the HBO series -- and I am one -- will find this place to be somewhat of a disappointment. The main street is a gauntlet of original and "original" buildings ALL catering to the tourist dollar and ALL featuring gambling alongside whatever else they sell. (Deadwood must be the Mother of all dual-purpose emporiums.)